🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and key events, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to use the facilities in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|